Thursday, May 27, 2010

I didn't realize how emotional it would be. I thought it would be all excitement, pride, nervousness, accomplishment, but mostly excitement and pride.

My day started off as normal as any other day. I went to work, left work, ran over to the photo lab, set up in the studio to shoot Rachel (photos coming soon), had a great photo shoot, tore everything down, sat in the lab and waited for class to start.

The next thing I know I am setting up 9 of my 'Shit on your Faces'; my heart was beating so fast and my voice started to jump as I began to explain my babies to the class. The culmination of the last 4 months, my heart and my passion lay on display befor a class of 40 photographers.

Granted, it was in front of a class, and not curators or gallery goers- but the reaction and emotion was the same, it felt. It was exhausting. We as artists put so much of ourselves into our work- it may not seem that way to the outside- it may seem like it's no sweat, or it's all fun and games. But when it comes down to it- I showed people me tonight. And more often than not, that is a rare thing.

I found myself spewing my emotional vomit- my feelings, my fears, my stresses and desires. Luckily this waited until I was home and in front of the person I am most comfortable with, and not in class. Nonetheless, one emotional divulgence led to many more.

As I was driving home I realized how important tonight was. My series was extremely well received. To the point where I felt that my classmates thought I was stuck up and showing off. In reality, I was just showing. I wasn't hiding myself. I am really beginning to realize that this is me. That my talent is real, and most importantly my passion for it is real.

I have spent so much of my life wondering where and how I fit in. Wondering what the fuck I was supposed to do with myself and thinking that living a life that is void of passion is my destiny.

I don't know for sure, but i think this is the only thing that has brought me so much satisfaction.

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